You need to get married...
It wasn't long after my shahada that something unexpected happened. Apparently, now that I am Muslim, increasing my spiritual knowledge wasn't a high priority to the community. Heck, I couldn't get anyone to teach me how to pray. I had to learn via YouTube.
Aside from being asked if I married a Muslim as to how I came to Islam, apparently finding me a husband was a major issue. After the initial shock wore off of me coming to Islam on my own without the influence of being married to a Muslim, everyone, both men and women, lectured me on the fact that I need to be married. Let me make something quite clear:
"I DID NOT COME TO ISLAM TO FIND A HUSBAND!"
Okay, well with that being said, let me also mention that it isn't that I am against getting married. It just wasn't a top priority in my life any more. My spirituality and closeness with Allah was what was more important to me. Then they say, "being married completes the other half of your Deen." (Deen means religion)
So, being the eager padawan I was, I thought "well, my love life wasn't working out so far. Why not, let's give this a try." After all, I was fed the whole spill about how finding a husband in "Islam" works. (Note the sarcastic quotes) Honestly, it sounded more like a business contract but I was open to it because my track record with "love" obviously didn't work out so well for me in the past.
So here comes the hypocrisy. So I am first told that I am to meet with a potential husband about 3 or 4 times to discuss what is to be expected, etc. Then at that point a decision should be made. So I followed this and was excited when I thought I found someone. I shared the news. Instead of being happy for me, the same woman who "taught" me how finding a husband works in "Islam" asks me, "But how well do you know him?" Wow. Begad?! Really? What happened to 'you will get to know each other over the duration of the married and come to love each other' crap? Then she said something that really pissed me off. She said, "...I think you are naive."
In hindsight, maybe I was and still a naive but not about what she was talking about. Trusting people to teach me the right way was where I was naive. *rolls eyes*
So over the first 12 months of my life as a Muslim, I have had 4 potential suitors. Two of them wanted to treat me as property and one of the two wanted to try to isolate me from the world. The other two, married already. Although, Muslim men can have up to 4 wives. I just don't want to be a sister wife at this point.
What sucks is knowing there are amazing Muslim men out there, but they are either way too young or already married. I mean, finding a Muslim husband at my age is almost impossible. After all, I am going to be 40 in a couple of weeks.
Of course, I have this older Iraqi lady in my life that makes me laugh and smile. However, every evening..."Linda, why don't you marry?" "Linda, you marry ... okay?" She means well. But I am kind of getting tired of hearing about it. lol
For now, I am exhausted. Exhausted from everything I have dealt with. Exhausted in the search. Partially scared. And I have major trust issues at this point. So when I meet a man I can trust, then I will entertain the thought again. Otherwise, I am not thinking of getting married. I am thinking that finding and being married to a Muslim man that will inspire me to increase my faith is a shot in a million at this point.
In fact, the ordeal with "finding a husband" , as I am nagged about, is one of the factors that has almost destroyed my faith.
Aside from being asked if I married a Muslim as to how I came to Islam, apparently finding me a husband was a major issue. After the initial shock wore off of me coming to Islam on my own without the influence of being married to a Muslim, everyone, both men and women, lectured me on the fact that I need to be married. Let me make something quite clear:
"I DID NOT COME TO ISLAM TO FIND A HUSBAND!"
Okay, well with that being said, let me also mention that it isn't that I am against getting married. It just wasn't a top priority in my life any more. My spirituality and closeness with Allah was what was more important to me. Then they say, "being married completes the other half of your Deen." (Deen means religion)
So, being the eager padawan I was, I thought "well, my love life wasn't working out so far. Why not, let's give this a try." After all, I was fed the whole spill about how finding a husband in "Islam" works. (Note the sarcastic quotes) Honestly, it sounded more like a business contract but I was open to it because my track record with "love" obviously didn't work out so well for me in the past.
So here comes the hypocrisy. So I am first told that I am to meet with a potential husband about 3 or 4 times to discuss what is to be expected, etc. Then at that point a decision should be made. So I followed this and was excited when I thought I found someone. I shared the news. Instead of being happy for me, the same woman who "taught" me how finding a husband works in "Islam" asks me, "But how well do you know him?" Wow. Begad?! Really? What happened to 'you will get to know each other over the duration of the married and come to love each other' crap? Then she said something that really pissed me off. She said, "...I think you are naive."
In hindsight, maybe I was and still a naive but not about what she was talking about. Trusting people to teach me the right way was where I was naive. *rolls eyes*
So over the first 12 months of my life as a Muslim, I have had 4 potential suitors. Two of them wanted to treat me as property and one of the two wanted to try to isolate me from the world. The other two, married already. Although, Muslim men can have up to 4 wives. I just don't want to be a sister wife at this point.
What sucks is knowing there are amazing Muslim men out there, but they are either way too young or already married. I mean, finding a Muslim husband at my age is almost impossible. After all, I am going to be 40 in a couple of weeks.
Of course, I have this older Iraqi lady in my life that makes me laugh and smile. However, every evening..."Linda, why don't you marry?" "Linda, you marry ... okay?" She means well. But I am kind of getting tired of hearing about it. lol
For now, I am exhausted. Exhausted from everything I have dealt with. Exhausted in the search. Partially scared. And I have major trust issues at this point. So when I meet a man I can trust, then I will entertain the thought again. Otherwise, I am not thinking of getting married. I am thinking that finding and being married to a Muslim man that will inspire me to increase my faith is a shot in a million at this point.
In fact, the ordeal with "finding a husband" , as I am nagged about, is one of the factors that has almost destroyed my faith.
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